Self Ministries

I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to be happy for you. You know when you meet a friend and they ask you 'How are you doing?' and you do not have much to say, but as soon as you ask them they have everything to say? Yes? Me too. Everybody meet Leeonie the green eyed monster.

Am I jealous? Yes of course! There is always going to be a time and a place when I am going to say I am happy for you and really and truly, I'm not. The reason for this, is purely because all of your right doings are showing all of my wrong doings. It is wrong to compare, but when have been given the same tools as someone else and they are doing better then you, you can't help but envy them, even just a little bit. I just want to be in a place where I can say I have done something. 

I'm trying, I'm really trying but I feel as if I am always getting in my own way.

Sometimes the person blocking your success is yourself. Speaking for myself, I know that I am my own obstacle almost 100% of the time. I am constantly worrying about what other people think of me and how I will be perceived through everyone's eyes apart from my own. That is my problem, and that is the same reason why my friends and colleagues get far in life. You have to be willing to put yourself out there and not worry about anyone but yourself. 

One foot in the door and the rest of my body is soaking wet in the rain being consumed by my insecurities. It's okay to be jealous. We all do it, and even though it has been connotated to be a bad thing, it shows us who we really are and what our true desires are. People keep on asking me 'What do you want to be?' and I am constantly saying that I don't know. I know that I am lying by doing so, but I just don't want to be judged. Once you open your mouth and tell someone, they are going to be watching every step you take, success or failure, and the last thing I want is people to see me fail. 

We all have to fail in order to get where we want in life, but I don't want my failures to be publicised. I want you to see my outcome not my input. Is that too much to ask for? I want to be able to work hard for what I want and for people to congratulate me on what I have accomplished, knowing that I have made something for myself. Then I will tell you my story. I don't know. But what I do know is the more I get jealous of someone the more I realise my true hopes and desires and can use that to understand my own truth. 

The Lesson: Life is never going to be easy, and some people are going to get things quicker than others. Some people are going to be richer than others, happier than others and more successful than others. We have been given the same tools, and it is time to make your own reality, your own truth and be your own kind of happiness. There are going to be moments in life when you are going to be faced with difficulties, hardships and downfalls, and you can't compare your life to someone else's. Just be you, and be happy while doing so.