21, single, and lets be honest I haven't mingled.




There's a time in life when you feel as if it is time to settle down and to start to make a life for yourself. You are now out in the world, trying to find your career, pay your bills on time and hopefully find that one person to fall in love with and be merry.

This is the stage I am currently in. Not the paying bills on time part, but the finding love part. Over the past couple of years I have noticed that I have become increasingly lonely. Friends can only fill your heart temporarily, however I want someone to come in and stay permanently. I want to be able to wake up with someone beside me, I want to wake up and the first thing I think about is my other half.

It is hard to say whether or not I have caused this onto myself, but if I had to guess, I would. Why? Because it's my fault that I never put myself out there. The truth is, it is scary to do. To try and resolve this I made an account on Plenty of Fish. I wanted to see what was out there, hands on heart,  there was just a group of men that made me feel weird. I don't know if it is just me, but when a stranger messages 'Hello Beautiful' it sends shivers down my spine and not the good kind.


Eventually, I gave up on Plenty of Fish, and thought that it would be a good idea for me to delve into the world of Tinder. (Sigh) What was I thinking? I would continuously swipe left more than I swipe right. I would scroll past a couple of people from school, and just by seeing them made me think about if they had seen my profile. It just made me think of how embarrassed I was that I had to go onto an app or a website to find love. I have had the Tinder app on my phone for 2 months, and have  matched with 4 people. One of which I'm not sure of. I used to work with him 3 years ago, and I swiped right just so I could see how he was doing in life and just general chit chat.

How is it, that he wants to go on a date with me?



I knew the day would come when someone would want to take me out, but I didn't know how I would react to the situation, Out of nervousness and I laughed and said yes, luckily he messaged back and asked me for my opinion and I gave it to him. Sometimes the best things to do are to be truthful, and truthfully speaking I didn't want to say no because that would be rude.

When I put myself on these websites, I did it because I liked the idea of finding someone. Although putting myself on these apps, showed me something about myself that I didn't want to admit.

How can I find someone when my heart is in a different place?

Truth is, I was never on the market.

Confession:
I like someone, like really like someone.

I won't tell you who it is, heck I haven't even told my closest friends. It's not because I don't want to, I do but I can't. I'm scared. I don't like the feeling of opening myself up and making myself vulnerable in the process. And that right there is my problem. I don't want to put myself in a place of which I might get hurt in the process.

I'm going to have to see where this goes and if something comes of this. I have been using the motto 'Shoot your shot' recently and I think it's about time I use it. So here goes nothing...

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