Sometimes I wonder

I don't know what to think. I don't know what to feel. Scratch that. I know how I feel. I am hurt, disappointed and even more hurt. How far did I go to place myself into a position like this? 

The other day I found out my friend was pregnant. Great news. I was happy when I found out but after that I felt nothing but hurt and regret. I was hurt because I found out really late. What kind of friend am I that doesn't find this information out first hand? Did I really cut myself off from so many people that I became untrustworthy? Does no one trust me? 

I am hurting. I hate that feeling of knowing something and knowing that you can't do anything because it's too late. I am hurt because I feel that something as big as this is something that I should know. However I know that if I was meant to know, I would have been told. 

But how are you supposed to react if you were in the untold?

I feel stupid. Sometimes we can get so caught up in our own world that we seem to forget that the world goes on and so do the people around you. I blame no one but myself. Not once did I think about the consequences of leaving church, I didn't think of the people I would leave behind, let alone the relationships I would leave behind. 

A constant theme I can see throughout my entries is that I need to surround myself with a bigger group of people. Talking to people every 3 months isn't satisfactory, I need to be more respectful to others and talk to them regularly, for their beneficiary and for my own.