This year we were meant to go to Amsterdam. It was meant to be a group thing with at 10 - 15 people going. When I first heard about it, I was a bit skeptical. When I have previously been holiday I have been with people I know. I'm not throwing shade at anyone, but I feel as if when you go on holiday and it's not with your family, it's a big risk. There's always going to be one person left out, there's always going to be the one person that says that they are coming and then drops out last minute and there's always going to be a debbie downer.

Right now I'm in two minds.

There was a Whatsapp group that was created like 2 months ago, to get ideas of how everyone was feeling about the trip and when those who were interested planning on wanting to go, and that's fine. But I do not like disorganisation, and because I am not the best saver in the world, I would've wanted to know the price of the trip an have a rough idea of how things were going to plan out. But it wasn't until today that people started writing in the group chat wanting to put pen to paper. In my opinion the ship has sailed, and if you had truly wanted to do a trip you would have planned it a while ago. It's my birthday this month and even though I don't know what I am going to do, I want to be able to spend my money wherever I see fit.

July, August and wanting to go in September. I just don't know how I feel about it. Well, let's be honest I do, because I don't want to go, but I do. I would love to go Amsterdam but I'm not one to be scavenging around last minute looking for last minute deals when something like this could've been sorted out ages ago. Is it wrong for me to think this? I mean, I don't want to come across as someone that is looking for faults in something, but the process is making me less and less interested.

My friends are always encouraging me to do things but when I'm not in the mood, I am just not in the mood. I don't want to put myself out there when I don't want to be. I don't like being uncomfortable and don't like feeling like an outsider. So what do I do?